In Loving Memory
by LadyTaiyo
Summary: A look at Bellatrix Lestrange in the span of time between Voldemort's disappearance and her incarceration in Azkaban.


**_Just a one shot on how I think Bellatrix would have reacted when Voldemort disappeared after the first time he tried to off Harry. _**

**_Please enjoy._**

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><p>Narcissa Malfoy dragged her feet slowly up the stairs, dreading what she had to do. Her hand skimmed lightly over the polished mahogany banister, taking it's well worn place with her fingers just over the ridge of the back of an elaborately carved serpent sculpted right out of the timber. When this house had first become hers she had loathed the remnants of the snake motif that seemed to crop up in little, unexpected ways every place she turned, however after the grooves in the carving had given her something to grip when she had slipped one day, effectively saving her from falling down the stairs, she had become a great deal more fond of the decor.<p>

Now she drew comfort from the little likeness of the creatures that she sometimes found in the garden, her husband was away searching, as was nearly every one who typically inhabited the manor and of course she would not upset her new baby by loosing her composure in front of him. She wished this weren't necessary but it had been nearly three days and they had seen neither hide nor hair of their leader, after the eleventh search party sent out had returned empty handed the previous night she could draw only one conclusion.

She didn't realize she had reached the second floor landing until she found she had run out of steps to climb, so absorbed she had been in forcing herself to put one foot in front of the other, she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, hoping against hope she could explain without incident. _Not bloody likely Narcissa_. A vicious little voice inside her quipped. She braced herself and rapped on the door to the first sitting room to her left, then entered without waiting for a response.

Her sister was curled up in an arm chair seated near a window facing the front of the house, _his_ chair she noted, Bellatrix was doggedly watching the drive. She was still in the clothing she had been wearing when Narcissa had last seen her the night before, her long silk eastern style pants and corresponding shirt were both as black as the curls on her head which had been pulled up sloppily into a bun, her dark red nails were chipped and the skin around the jet plack tattoo on her left inner arm was bright pink, likely rubbed raw, she had a bad habit of kneading at the dark mark when distressed. She knew why, Bellatrix had wanted to lead the hunt herself but fearing for her in her current state Narcissa had insisted that she stay behind, though of course she had told her something like, "You shouldn't risk getting caught Bella, you know he wouldn't want that, think how upset he would be when he returns". Upset was putting it mildly, their Lord had always had different rules when it came to her sister, all of them unspoken, the first one being that in any manner of critical situation she received top priority after himself, she wondered if Bellatrix was even aware that was the case. Regardless the words had been enough to placate her for the moment, however as the hours wore on she was becoming increasingly restless.

A little of her resolve crumbled, she could never remember a time when her sister was not impeccably dressed, her comparatively careless appearance was a bad sign.

"Bella", she called cautiously .

Bellatrix turned and she watched her hopeful look crumble at the expression on her face.

"Is he back?", her sister whispered.

"Bella", she began, "I'm sorry...they didn't find anything...", she breathed deeply, readying herself for the impending tempest, "...They think he's go-".

"Don't say it!", the older woman snarled. Narcissa scowled, she had been expecting a tantrum but that didn't mean it was easy to tolerate, it wasn't her god damn fault they couldn't find him!

She shouldn't have said it, it was cruel, and hurtful, and exactly the sort of thing Bellatrix would say were their positions reversed, but that still didn't justify it. She rarely lost her patience but when she did she often uttered words she wouldn't dream of speaking under ordinary circumstances.

"The Dark Lord is dead Bellatrix!", she cried.

Instantly she felt guilty, her sister's slender hand flew to her mouth, she watched horror creep it's way on to her face, "No", she sobbed, "No...no...no!", the last repetition was a drawn out scream and she observed as tears streamed down her elder sibling's face. She shot to her feet and Narcissa watched in utter dismay as the fist she slammed into the window shattered the center of the centuries old glass, when she pulled it back blood was dripping from it in alarming looking quantities, she reminded herself to keep her priorities in order as the sight of Bella bleeding heavily onto a persian rug worth more than most homes had her fighting he impulse to cringe.

"He can't be Cissy...He said...He can't die...I-...I-...", it finally dawned on her what Bellatrix was trying to say, she needn't stammer through her tears, the stricken expression on her face was clear enough.

Narcissa heart sank with dread, she shook her head, at a loss, "Not him Bella", she pleaded, "Please, not him", the very notion was insane.

Her sister had always seemed more fond of their master than the rest of the lot, but seeing as she had spent months training privately with The Dark Lord when she was little more than a girl she had always chalked it up to the affection one held for a particularly admired mentor, not...not this...the woman had completely lost her mind.

"Why?", she whispered desperately, why that man of all people? Bellatrix was notoriously passionate when it came to the thrill of the chase, but even for her, that was simply reaching to high.

"Everything", her sister murmured, despite the levity of the situation a small smile found it's was to her face, she looked somewhere else entirely, "There is no one reason".

"You need to let this go Bella, never speak of it to anyone, if it got out-", words failed her for a moment, "They can't prove anything right now, but if the ministry hears _that_ you'll be sent to Azkaban as his personal consort!".

"Let it go?", her sister whispered venomously, "Let Lucius go! Let your son go! Lose the people you love most and then you can tell me to l_et it go! _If the ministry wants to paint me his whore so be it!", her face was flush, her breathing harsh, she finished more quietly, "I would have...for him...", her fierce expression turned wistful, just for a moment. She watched the taller woman's eyes settle somewhere far in the distance, somewhere unattainable.

Narcissa blinked in alarm, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't literally mean-", but she turned to stare back at her, deathly serious, "It hasn't ever just been about the cause has it?", she said at last.

"No".

"Merlin's Beard Bella, did he know?", she queried, trying to imagine how he would have taken that, somehow she was unable to picture it going over well.

"I can't be sure, I never told him, if that's what you're asking. He was such a talented legilimens, I don't know if he picked up anything or not", she trailed off, another small sob escaped her, whether it was regret or simply grief Narcissa couldn't decide.

"You're married you know", she reminded her.

"Don't drag that up", she mumbled resentfully.

"You don't care for your husband at all? After all of this time?", she inquired incredulously.

"I have nothing against Rodolphus, Cissy, he's been a good friend, very tolerant, but that doesn't the change the fact that he's not-", she seemed to struggle for the proper adjective.

"Not him?", she supplied.

Bella nodded.

She would concede their leader was rather, unique, she doubted any true likeness existed, one in a million as the saying went.

"I'm so sorry", she truly pitied her sister in that moment, she had spent enough sleepless nights fearing for her husband that she could say she sympathized with her.

"You don't know for sure yet Cissy, was there any proof?", she seemed to be grasping for any last shred of hope.

"There is nothing", she said as gently as she could, "That is the point, he's just vanished", she really would prefer not to have to force her sister to face facts, he wouldn't just disappear at random.

"I want proof", Bellatrix snapped, there was a feral look in her eye, she snatched her wand up off of the coffee table.

"What are you doing?", she asked, trepidation rising.

She did not answer, her tear streaked face was hard and fixed as she strode past her with surprising strength.

"Bella!", she called. Piss!

She chased after her but she was nowhere to be found on the stairwell or the landing, she dashed down stairs, carefully taking them two at a time in a manner that wouldn't make her trip over her long skirts.

She hit the ground floor running, "Bella!", she called again as she poked her head into the great room, there she found the Lestrange brothers and Barty Crouch hunched over a game of wizard's chess. Rodolphus looked up at the mention of his wife, "I have not seen her today", he said simply. All of their faces were tense, drawn and exhausted, Narcissa felt her admiration for her brother in law grow, he must have realized at that point that her sister's heart never had been and never would be his but that hadn't stopped him from joining six of the search teams.

In the same moment she felt a pang of disgust at Bellatrix, it was obvious that Rodolphus was only trying so very hard for her sake, but it appeared she didn't notice or particularly care, she was fixated, all her energy was directed exclusively at finding Voldemort. In many ways she was just as obsessed over finding their master as he had been in finding the Potters, she sighed, they were two of a kind. She would never think such things in his presence , but she occasionally wondered who influenced who more, of course to everyone else The Dark Lord appeared to be in complete control, but Bellatrix got away with more, held more sway, and just plain got her way, so much of the time she was sure there was some manner of favoritism at play.

The evening he had gone she had caught her ever audacious sibling flat out arguing with him and what was more he was actually squabbling back, no punishment for silly protests or her obvious doubt, Narcissa wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. She had immediately retreated the way she had come, just because he would tolerate lip from her sister did not mean there wouldn't be serious consequences for eavesdropping. Their leader was nothing if not intensely private and frankly it he wanted to keep something quiet he succeeded.

She almost wanted to say something to Rodolphus, to let him know his kindness hadn't gone unnoticed, even if Bellatrix couldn't be bothered to thank him. However she could think of no way in which to do so that wouldn't simply further distress him, "I appreciate you tolerating my unfaithful sister", was not the thing to go blurting out.

The sound of purposeful footfalls effectively cut off her train of thought. She looked up to see Bellatrix in the doorway, in full regalia and looking like a force of nature.

She had changed into a more elaborate version of her previous attire, another pair of silk pants, this time beneath a black cheongsam. Her traveling boots were on her feet, a series of gold chains glittered on her wrists, she appeared to have coaxed her hair into some semblance of order, it was still knotted at the crown of her head, but her long bangs fell in neat ringlets.

She was tall, slender, and regal, and to complete the affect an unfamiliar ebony cloak draped her shoulders, the fabric layered, sheer, and light as the air in the room. Narcissa frowned, it almost seemed to big for her...

Oh _Hell_.

She gaped at the woman.

Bellatrix had actually _stolen_ one of _his_ traveling cloaks.

Her sister had completely lost her mind.

_"Are you insane?"_, she mouthed to her.

If her sister saw her she gave no acknowledgement, her gaze was hard, she doubted that she would have noticed a bomb going off at the moment.

She nodded to them once and swept toward the foyer.

"Where are you going?", Narcissa called, trepidation rising.

"Out", Bellatrix replied coldly, and slammed the door behind her.

Rodolphus looked after his wife worriedly, "We'd best follow her", he muttered finally.

The other two men nodded and stood to depart.

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><p><em><strong>Reviews are always greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read my work.<strong>_


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